"Alex, you do not need to be any more than you already are, you and where you are at is already enough." This sentence was spoken to me through the phone by my mom who graciously answers every phone call made by her anxious art kid of a daughter. In my major I am forced and heavily encouraged to compare and learn from the work of my peers. This is good. This is helpful. However, I am utterly horrible at not carrying this same mindset into my daily life.
As I stepped out of my drawing studio for a few minutes to gather my thoughts, I called my mom. She is really really good at answering, and even better at listening. I list off every concern, worry, glimpse of unknowing, and scary lingering thought that basically has every rushed through my head of being 'good enough'. Good enough, for the real world. For college. For an opportunity. Good enough for a job one day, or even a summer adventure. You see, in college I have struggled with learning how to be happy for others and their accomplishments without discrediting my own personal victories. My mom is one of the only people I know who knows exactly what to say to me when I do not even know what I am freaking out about.
I was so worried. I was so concerned that day, in the middle of class on a random Tuesday in February how this upcoming summer would apparently claim my fait for the rest of my life. (I know, stupid, but it was a real life classic college freak out, ok?)
But in a very real world, I have always been blessed to have the most encouraging parents. If I wanted to apply for every impossible internship for the rest of my life, they would help me. If I wanted to travel the US for seven weeks and learn more about being a woman of Christ for a whole summer, they called me every weekend telling me they missed me but how proud they were. If I wanted to lay out by the pool all summer, and really get serious about making greeting cards, they would blow up the floats, and buy the markers. (You get it, but they really are the winners here.) I point this part of my life out heavily because I knew whatever I decided to pursue for the summer, I had two really big fans next to me. And that seemed as comfortable as it was going to get for this freaked out girl in the middle of an empty hallway.
Now, fast forward a month.. and sure enough, God has done it again. I sat there reading an email from a very awesome company offering me a summer internship position. Now, this would be a really sweet time for me to go on about how absolutely incredible my internship is (because it is, trust me on that one) Buuuutttt- I would rather save that one for another time.
Really, and truly I am writing this for me, and anyone else who shares the struggle in finding identity in our victories. To which, this is not always a bad thing, but how quick and easy it is to start questioning your self worth based on these worldly happenings. I think Heidi Baker says it best when she says, 'God is not looking for extraordinary, exceptionally gifted people, just laid down lovers of Jesus who will carry His glory with transparency & not take it for themselves."
As an artist, it is very natural to compare myself to others around me, and how their talents are believed to trump mine. But I am learning each day in loving my unique strokes, and falling more in love with the process. As a woman, it is very natural for me to compare myself to almost about every single female I have ever met... like.... ever. But I am learning each day to love my small hands, big teeth, and the way my dresses cover on my figure. As a human, it is very natural for me to compare my every day life to others I am surrounded with. But I am learning each day how no sidewalk is the same, and how each flower blooms a little differently each time.
I am praying for a summer ending with a heart full of confidence, and a heart that is a whole lot better at trusting His plan way more than my own.
No one has the power of being you. You are You. And I am ME.
A simple but strong and worthy statement to cling to, indeed.